Dear Dr Olympus
by DementedWarrior
Summary: Dr. Olympus, Consultant, is answering many complainers'.. I mean people's questions. Dr. Olympus could even answer yours!
1. Chapter 1

Dear Dr. Olympus,

I'm really mad about my mechanical horse that Hephaestus made for me. It use to be able to ride at 1000 mph, but now it's only 750 mph! I can't believe he ripped me off! Why do I have to get the only horse that doesn't work? All my friends have perfectly fine mechanical horses, but now mine just poops, and starts swimming in its own poop. I know I have other vehicle, but I'm very poor so I have to ride in my 300 feet limousine with 30 caterers, 5 mini fridges, and 10 fridges! This is an outrage! I demand you talk to Hephaestus and get him to give me a new one.

Sincerely, Salty.

Dear Salty,

I'm afraid I can't talk to Hephaestus, because, well you know. Because I'm totally _not_ him. I regret to inform you, but you're probably imagining all of this. Anything the mighty Hephaestus makes will never fail. If there actually are problems, contact your local Mechanic. But since that won't happen because it's not broken, Goodbye!

Sincerely, Hephaestu… I mean Dr. Olympus.

 **If you guys have any ideas for letters to Dr. Olympus, leave them in the comments and I will probably add it! Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Dr. Olympus,

I have an issue with one "Queen of the Gods". Recently I went on a quest for said goddes and completed it as such, however during my quest I nearly died at least 12 different time and with not so much as a smig of help from her! That and the fact that I prayed for her help and even scrafised portions of my food to her, but nothing came. And here's the real kicker, when she offered anything of my choice after I completed my quest, she did a 180 and decided to give something to me instead of asking me what I desired. So my reward was a white chicken. And not any special or even magical chicken, just a normal plain white chicken that wakes me up at 2am everyday just to feed it! So could you tell said godeses that I would like an actual reward and not this bird.

Please and thanks,

Thatchickendude

Dear Thatchickendude,

I'm not sure which queen of the gods you're talking about, but I have an idea. I'll just assume it's that arrogant, turn-on-her promises, and low IQ queen, Hera. I'm afraid that you'll just have to cope with it. Whenever you complain to her, she will most probably strike you down by getting you a wife(No offense Ellen). The thing about Hera is, is that she will send you on many dangerous quests, and end up trapping your parents for a prize.

So what to do with your chicken….

Fatten it up, and raise more chickens. Because you can then use this fat chicken as an idea as how big your chickens are to their people. Then you can scan them by sending them a skinny chicken when they order one. Voíla!

Rinse and Repeat. It'll be like money growing on a tree.

Or you could just kill the chicken to insult Hera, but then you'd be dead.

So, goodbye, maybe forever because I have insulted Hera.

Sincerely, The frightened of Hera, Dr. Olympus.

 **If you guys have any ideas for letters to Dr. Olympus, leave them in the comments and I will probably add it! Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

To Dr. Olympus,

I'm an idiot. What should I do?

Sincerely, nincompoop

Dear nincompoop,

Since you are mentally lacking(stupid) I will try to translate my message to you in simple form. Ok, let's go!

So, your problem is that you are stupid. The solution to this will be not to be stupid. To be not stupid, you have to be smart. And to be smart, you have to be not stupid. So, to become smart you must study(UGHHHH). Study first the alphabet, although you now about half of it. Here you go.

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Ok, now try to memorize that, and then we can move on to logarithms. Very small step. Alphabet to logarithms. Now, get a log, like a piece of wood. Next get a stick. Now tap on the log with the stick to get a rhythm. Now you have a logarithm!

Now, time for review. Pop Quiz!

1\. What is the first letter of the alphabet?

2\. I'm running out of questions.

3\. Help me.

4\. I need questions.

5\. Can you please give me a question?

6\. Pleeeeaaaassssee?

7\. With a cherry on top?

8\. Fine.

9\. Be that way.

10\. We're out of questions anyway.

12\. Notice anything wrong?

13\. We skipped 11.

14\. You just checked

15\. Now you're saying that you've heard this trick way too many times.

16\. I agree

17\. I'm bored.

Solution to being stupid: be smart, not stupid.

Sincerely, Dr. Olympus.

 **If you guys have any ideas for letters to Dr. Olympus, leave them in the comments and I will probably add it! Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Dr. Olympus,

Why can't you stupid gods do your own work?

Sincerely, WiseGirlGeek

Dear WiseGirlGeek,

I hate to admit it, but we(except me. Obviously), might actually be lazy. You see, before there were humans, we gods had to do stuff ourselves. So we ordered Prometheus to create intelligent life so that they could do our work. At first, it didn't work. You guys were literally blocks of mud staggering around on two feet. This is how the conversation went when we ordered you guys to do our quests:

"I come before you, as Her-"

"UGHHHHH"

"I come before you as Her-"

"UGHHHHH"

"I have decide to let you have the noble honor of fetching my queen crown from those ugly trolls."

"UGHHHHH"

And then they would start pooping everywhere.

So as you can see, humans were still a WIP, and we had to things ourselves. So eventually, some random guy took a knife and carved them into the humans that you are today. You guys were told by **someone** the secret of fire. Eventually as they years passed, there were only a few that believed in us. So we made those people do quests. And those people are you. So don't kill me, I'm just telling the truth. This is why we order you guys.

Sincerely, Dr. Olympus.

 **If you guys have any ideas for letters to Dr. Olympus, leave them in the comments and I will probably add it! Thanks!**


End file.
